scrapbook

SEPTEMBER 2025
September was strange. I feel nostalgic about the end of summer, and it weighs heavily on me. One of the first days, we watched Courage the Cowardly Dog on the balcony while eating chips. It has always been my favorite cartoon.

It was also my birthday month!! which strangely didn't make me sad this time.

I received a beautiful Lalaloopsy doll that I keep on my bedside table, and many books that I still have to read.

I spent my days with my friends, and knowing that everyone is now working or going to school makes me feel really lonely, but I'll be going back to work soon too. So I guess that's what adult life is abt, right? But thinking about my birthday, I am truly grateful for how much time we have spent together.

+ My best friends gave me new skates and a BMO backpack!! lov them so muchhh

I also threw a small party, where I had a lot of fun, and the theme was “Just Dance”!!! (We play it all the time)

So, in general, the days have been peaceful. I would have liked to feel well enough to realize it and enjoy them more, to be there and feel present when things happen. But I haven't been well. Too many bad things are in my mind all the time. I know it seems ungrateful, but this is what happens every season change to people like me. So here is my attempt to focus on the peaceful and objective things. The woods, my friends, cakes, the park, my books, my new backpack that everyone likes, the doll next to my bed, my skates that are very fast, and many, many days ahead of me, so many.

OCTOBER 2025
October wasn't a great month, but Halloween is one of my absolute favourite days and I was really happy to celebrate it.
I dressed up as a scarecrow and we went to a queer party in asmall town near Viterbo.
My bf and I won the prize for best costume and I got tied up by a guy who was running a small Shibari (しばり) workshop.

NOVEMBER 2025
Things got complicated in November. I felt my mind and control slipping away again, my thoughts racing and rushing along with all those ideas and beliefs that I now consider absurd. My brain hurt me, and I am difficult to be around again.

DECEMBER 2025
December was slow. Compared to other years, I didn't feel any Christmas spirit.
I was so busy getting back to work that everything felt rushed and empty. But I was happy to spend time with my brother in his new life and to see him doing so well.

I didn't see my friends much because we were very busy, but when we were together I had fun and felt grateful once again to have so many people around me.

JANUARY 2026
In January, I worked hard and felt like I was finally settling into my new routine. I took care of the things I enjoy: I took my cat to the woods, I exercised, I cooked often and spent a lot of time reading (three books in a month!).

But then I got triggered and, as always, everything went down, down to a place I don't know but am pretty sure is close to my throat. I tell myself that it's normal and that I know I'll survive in the end, that this is how violence works. But some days it's harder to remember that.

FEBRUARY 2026
In February, I picked myself up again, despite a thousand commitments and unexpected events (housework, fever, afternoon work, fever and more fever), but when the days were full of sunshine, I think it got into me a little.

My mother gave me my grandparents' old digital camera (Nikon Coolpix). It's very cheap and silly, but I love it. And I can't wait to save up money to go to Berlin to visit my best friend. If I keep working as hard as I am now, maybe I can do it.

ALBUM OF THE MONTH

DON'T PISS ON ME, I'M ALREADY DEAD - crywank